How to help your family manage holiday stress

The holidays are supposed to be joyful, but packed schedules, travel, big gatherings and high expectations can also make them feel stressful for families.

“The holidays can feel stressful for a lot of reasons. But the biggest stressor I often see comes from disruptions in routines and schedules, especially for younger kids,” says Hillary Kimbley, Ph.D., ABPP, Pediatric Psychologist at Children’s Health℠ and Assistant Professor at UT Southwestern.

Dr. Kimbley shares why the season can feel overwhelming, how to spot stress in kids and simple steps to help everyone in the family enjoy the holidays more.

Why can the holidays be stressful for kids?

A few common factors can make the holidays stressful, including:

• Changes in routine. School breaks, travel and visits with family and friends can throw off sleep, mealtimes and activities. Kids – and even adults – feel more secure when their schedule is more predictable.

• High expectations. The pressure to create a magical holiday or uphold every tradition can stress out parents. And that stress can trickle down to kids.

• Overstimulation. Crowds, loud music, bright lights and constant activity can overload kids’ senses, especially if they have sensory challenges.

• Less time and attention. When parents are busy planning, preparing and juggling expenses, kids may feel less connected to them. They may start to seek attention through their behavior.

Related podcast

In this episode of Children’s Health Checkup, Dr. Kimbley shares why holiday stress affects families and simple ways to create calm, connection and joy during the season.

Signs that a child may be stressed during the holidays

Kids don’t always come out and say, “I’m stressed.” Often, internalized stress shows up in their behavior or their body.

Emotional and behavioral signs of stress or anxiety include:

• Mood changes, frequent crying or irritability

• Being easily frustrated or clingy

• Negative statements like “I don’t want to go”

• Tantrums or not following routines and requests

• Withdrawing from friends or activities

• Changes in sleep or eating

• Arguing or testing limits

• Needing more reassurance

Physical signs of stress include:

• Headaches or stomachaches

• Muscle tension

• Low energy, very high energy or restlessness

• Feeling shaky or uneasy

• Complaints of a racing heart or racing mind

“Every child reacts to stress differently,” says Dr. Kimbley. “And it’s not always through words. A lot of times with kids, it’s through their behavior or physical symptoms.”

Parents set the emotional “thermostat”

Kids are highly sensitive to the emotions of the adults around them. They can absorb tension – like family conflict or a rushed, high-pressure environment – even when it has nothing to do with them.

How to manage holiday stress in kids

Big feelings in response to stress are normal, at every age.

You can help support a child who is having big feelings if you:

• Keep things predictable when you can. Stick to bedtimes, mealtimes and daily quiet time as much as possible.

• Plan ahead when routines change. Pack snacks if you’ll be on the go, since kids get cranky when they’re hungry. Review the plan for the day so they know what to expect – like “Tonight, we’ll be at Grandma’s house.”

• Model calm and flexibility. Kids take their cues from adults. Say your frustration out loud and show how you handle it. You might say: “I’m really frustrated that the store closed. I’m going to take a deep breath.”

• Name and normalize feelings. Try saying, “It’s hard when things are different,” or “We can be excited and tired at the same time.”

Show your kids how you manage stress

“Children learn more from what we do than what we say,” says Dr. Kimbley. “And they notice your body language and tone as well as your words.”

When you’re feeling stressed, you might try to:

• Narrate what you’re doing. Talk about your feelings and show how you pause and calm yourself. This teaches kids to regulate their emotions in real time.

• Practice together. Try saying: “I’m going to do some deep breathing. Would you like to try it with me?”

• Repair after a stressful time. No one stays calm 100% of the time. If you raise your voice or snap, sit down with your child and say something like: “I was frustrated earlier and I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry, and I want to make it better.” This teaches accountability and healthy relationships.

• Give yourself grace – and use humor. Laugh if you burn part of a meal or get an ugly sweater.

Simple ways to reduce holiday stress

Parental stress is real. And stress management is something most parents need to consistently practice. During the holidays, you can aim to reduce parental stress and family stress if you:

• Simplify. Choose a few traditions or events that matter most, like visiting grandparents, baking cookies and one or two events or outings. Then stick to that plan.

• Protect routines. Remember that bedtimes and mealtimes help keep kids grounded.

• Focus on connection, not perfection. Kids will remember how they felt a lot more than what you did.

• Keep expectations realistic. Expect some meltdowns, tiredness and overstimulation. Check in with your child, normalize how they feel and praise them when they handle changes well.

• Plan together. Every family gets to decide what the holidays look like. Ask everyone for input and aim for a balance of restful and active days – like a pajama movie day at home one week and an outing to see holiday lights the next.

Set healthy boundaries during the holidays

Boundaries aren’t about being mean or rejecting anyone.

Setting boundaries can help you know how to handle family stress or holiday anxiety.

Some examples of setting boundaries include:

• Deciding what matters most to your family this year.

• Being OK with saying, “Not this year,” kindly and clearly.

• Limiting how many crowded or overstimulating events you attend.

• Protecting your family’s downtime.

• Setting a realistic budget and sharing it with family. For example, you may suggest a simpler gift exchange, or showing love and care in other ways, like giving back or volunteering.

Clearly explaining your plans ahead of time can help family members know what to expect.

Explore more healthy holiday tips

Read more trusted advice on how to have a healthy and happy holiday season with your kids.

Find support for your child

Children’s Health also offers tailored social and emotional support for children and teens through our Pediatric Psychiatry and Psychology services and our Virtual Visit Behavioral Health program.