How to talk to your child about school shootings

When a school shooting occurs, it is tragic and unsettling. Children may hear about these events from the news, classmates or social media, which can lead to confusion and anxiety. These tragedies affect not only those directly involved, but also parents, teachers, children and entire communities.

Talking to children about a school shooting can be difficult, but open communication is an important part of providing support. Nicholas Westers, Psy.D., ABPP, pediatric psychologist at Children's Health℠ and Associate Professor at UT Southwestern, provides guidance to navigate these challenging discussions.

The impact of hearing about school shootings on kids' anxiety

Understandably, news about school shootings can cause significant worry and anxiety for children and parents. A 2022 Pew Research study of K-12 parents found that 37% of parents were at least somewhat worried about the potential of a shooting at their children’s school. A separate Pew Research study found that 57% of teens were at least somewhat worried a shooting could happen at their school.

Constant media coverage of school shootings can feel overwhelming, and taking breaks from the news is important for both you and your child’s mental health. These tragedies receive widespread attention – because even one is too many – which can make them seem more common than they are. Helping your child understand this can offer comfort while still acknowledging the seriousness of the issue.

Addressing these fears through age-appropriate conversation can help reduce anxiety and prevent misinformation.

How and when to talk to your child about reports of school shootings

There's no set or right age to talk about school shootings. Instead, focus on your child's emotional and cognitive development to guide the conversation. With younger children, it's generally best to discuss these events only if they bring them up. "Bringing up the conversation before it happens could instill unnecessary preoccupation or fear in a child," Dr. Westers explains.

For older kids, being proactive may be more helpful. Dr. Westers recommends talking with your child about these events when they occur or if your child brings them up. With many schools conducting active shooter drills, children may have questions both before and after these exercises.

Age-by-age guide to talking about school shootings

Conversations about school shootings should be tailored to a child’s developmental stage. These tragic events are difficult to understand, even for adults with established coping mechanisms. Sharing too many details with a young child who may not yet be able to process them can lead to unnecessary anxiety and distress. Here is advice by age:

• Preschool: Do not share details about school shootings with young children. If they ask questions, provide simple, reassuring answers without unnecessary detail.

• Elementary school: Use basic explanations, focusing on safety measures and maintaining routines.

• Middle school: Engage in more open discussions, encouraging questions and talking about feelings.

• High school: Discuss broader social implications and encourage teens to express their thoughts, participate in solutions and understand safety protocols.

How to answer questions if kids have them

Here are some ways to guide the conversation with your child if they have questions about school shootings:

• Keep it age-appropriate: Explain the events simply, such as stating that someone hurt other people.

• Ask older children open-ended questions: For older children who weren’t present but are hearing about a school shooting on the news or social media, parents can ask what they've heard to help address any concerns or misunderstandings. Start with, "Have you heard about what happened in the news this week at another school?" This invites your child to share what they know and feel.

• Discuss safety measures: Reassure your child by talking about the safety procedures in place at their school.

• Listen to their feelings: Ask your child how they feel and what worries them most. Avoid dismissive statements like, "You have nothing to worry about." Instead, validate their fears and offer comfort.

Managing anxiety about school shootings: Advice by age

Maintaining a routine can be one of the most effective ways to help children feel secure during unsettling times. Here’s how you can support your child:

For elementary-age children

• Stick to consistent routines for bedtime, mealtimes, homework and playtime.

• Avoid exposure to news about school shootings and be present to guide conversations if they do hear about these events.

For middle and high schoolers

• Limit and monitor media consumption: News exposure should be limited for older kids, too. If your child watches the news, try watching it together and discuss what you see. This will help you address questions and provide context.

• Model healthy coping skills: Share how you manage your own anxieties, such as exercising, getting fresh air or talking to friends and family. Everyone should take breaks from consuming news for their mental health.

Recognizing signs of anxiety in your child

It's important to be aware of signs that your child may be struggling with anxiety, especially when stressful and tragic events happen. Signs of anxiety may include:

• Avoidance: Watch for signs of withdrawal from school, friends or activities. Some children may refuse to go to school due to anxiety.

• Intrusive thoughts and feelings: Look out for nightmares, heightened emotions or persistent feelings of being on edge.

• Physical symptoms: Headaches, nausea, stomachaches or changes in appetite can be signs of anxiety.

If you notice any of these symptoms, speak with a pediatrician or mental health specialist about your concerns.

Supporting a child who has experienced gun violence or a scare at school

If your child has been directly affected by gun violence or a lockdown at school, it’s important to validate their feelings and provide extra emotional support. Keep an eye on their behavior and seek help from a mental health professional if you notice signs of trauma, such as avoidance, nightmares or withdrawal.

Managing school shooting anxiety as a parent

It's natural for parents to feel sad, anxious or scared when dropping their child off at school, especially after hearing about a school shooting. Almost every parent has experienced that wave of worry, and it's important to acknowledge that these feelings are valid.

Managing your own anxiety is crucial, both for yourself and for your child. Consider strategies like limiting your news intake, practicing self-care and connecting with other parents or professionals for support. Remember, you're not alone in these feelings, and seeking comfort in the community can be a powerful way to cope.

How parents can be helpful advocates

In addition to supporting your child emotionally, you can support local schools by learning more about and getting involved in school safety and wellness initiatives. By staying engaged in your community and working with schools to address concerns, you can help foster a safer school environment for all students.

Debunking the myth between mental illness and violence

After a school shooting, people sometimes blame mental illness. But research shows this isn't true – and it can hurt those working on their mental health. "It's normal to want answers after a tragedy," explains Dr. Westers. "But research does not support this connection. If mental illness were the cause of school shootings, we'd see similar rates of these tragedies around the world – but we don't." In reality, rates of mental illness in the U.S. are similar to those in other countries, yet school shootings happen here more often.

Here's what research from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) shows:

• Most people with mental health challenges are kind and never hurt anyone

• Having a mental health problem doesn't mean someone will become violent

Why does this matter? When we wrongly blame mental illness for acts of violence:

• People might feel embarrassed to ask for help

• Kids who need support might hide their feelings

• We miss opportunities to focus on real solutions for safer schools

• We confuse hate and violence as mental health disorders

Remember: Getting help for mental health challenges is a sign of strength, not weakness. The more we support mental health in our communities, the safer and healthier we can make schools for everyone.

Keep the conversation going to support your child

Ongoing dialogue is crucial. Instead of asking, "How was school today?" try to ask more specific questions about their feelings and experiences. Regular check-ins can help your child feel supported and understood – not just during stressful times, but all year long.

Learn more

Children's Health psychologists and psychiatrists can help children and teens manage feelings of anxiety, depression and loneliness. Learn more about the programs available to support mental, emotional and behavioral health.